Today marks the 5th year since my Mom passed away (and found out later that day that my dad’s mom passed away too).
It is interesting to look back and see what things have happened since then. I do remember very distinctly when I received the news, but it wouldn’t be too hard given the situation.
While I can’t remember the exact time, I remember it happened during 4th period art class. The school counselor personally came down to pull me out of class and knowing that the inevitable was bound to happen some day, that day must have arrived.
So, as I wondered the halls to meet up with my family, I didn’t really feel much different hearing the news that my Mom passed away.
We had already been through some grief counseling with my mom previously and I think that helped prepare us all for this moment. Even though I didn’t want to spend the time doing so (though it is impossible for me to argue whether or not it was necessary for me), I will say that it still was beneficial for me to go.
I realize that everyone goes through things differently (whether in the grieving process or other aspects of life), but I wanted to share some truths and misconceptions about going through this time that I went through.
Myth: Everyone goes through the five stages of grieving.
Oops, silly me, I didn’t follow suit Image may be NSFW.
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. Do many people go through them? I wouldn’t be surprised about that.
The original author of this quote, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, did not even state that each person does go through each stage, and in fact people can go through each of those stages in any order and have them occur multiple times throughout their life.
Truth: There are a multitude of emotions you may experience, even some you may not expect (such as relief). I’d suggest to healthfully express most emotions that come.
Sometimes, this needs to be done by yourself. Other times it needs to be shared with others who were close to you. Then there are certain things that you may want to share with everyone.
Myth: You should find someone to fill the role of the parent who passed away.
I don’t think I’ve really given that “position” to anyone.
Sure, there have been many helpful women in my life, but I don’t think that would be much different from someone who hadn’t lost a parent.
Truth: It really depends with each person and where they are in life when you experience the loss. Sometimes you also may not “get a choice” if the surviving parent marries someone else. Even then, don’t feel like you need to give that position to that person.
My suggestion is never to feel like anyone can fully replace the lost loved one. No human can do that as we are all unique.
However, that does not mean that you should never allow someone into your life to be in that role. To a certain degree, if your surviving parent remarries, I believe God still calls you to honor that parent (Ex 20:12; Deut 5:16), even if they are not a good example of a parent. Even if your deceased parent was not a good parent, we are still called to honor them.
Why? Romans 13:1 states that every authority which exists is established by God (and remember Paul is writing this in reference to being subject to Roman rulers that were torturing and killing them). Even though Paul is referencing governing authorities, the same is very true of parents, which is why we are told to obey and honor them.
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These are just some of my thoughts, from one imperfect, broken man to another.
Question: Have you gone through the loss of a closed loved one? In what ways have you handled it?
Originally post 10/24/2011. Minor editing and formatting changes were added in, family update was removed.
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My how the years fly by… is a post from: Looking Toward The Future